Great people are everywhere
12:39 a.m. x 29.10.10
Was taking the train home after mentor dinner today with a fellow A10 (whom I met for the first time, as he's from the Oct batch) when the following conversation arose.
Me: So are you going for D&D?
Him: No, see no meaning in going. Would rather stay at home and sleep. A lot of things to do.
Me: A lot of things to do? Like?
Him: I just bought a condo yesterday
Me (interupts): A what?
Him: Condo.
Me: Condo?
Him: (nods)
Me: Condo as in Condominium, the house?
Him: Yeah.
.
.
.
Me: So are you going to stay in it or rent it out?
Him: Stay. I'll buy another to rent out.
*FAINTS*
He's only 24.
Although his mom helped with the downpayment...it's still crazy! Apparently, he used to do shares/bonds/whatever investments and earned quite a bit. Highflyer. Came from Taiwan to study at year 11, took and scored distinction in A Level Higher Chinese, took Chinese literature (the 四书五经 唐诗宋词 红楼梦 analysis - here are some links in case you don't know these: Four Books and Five Classics/Tang & Song Dynasty poems/
------------------------Ganbaru kara
12:33 a.m. x 22.10.10
Have been feeling quite down today...
It really does feel quite terrible to be asked to do really really admin stuff (like checking a printout to a softcopy - a different version - to see what are the differences).
Really low-value-adding tasks.
It's ok when you don't have someone to compare to.
But when the other similar-ranked guy's doing all those higher level tasks in front of your eyes, it's hard to stay positive.
Oh well.
超辛かった。
なぜアタシここにいるの。
何も手伝えないのが辛い。
不用な存在みたいでしょう。
今この感想を書くことこそ、
証拠です。
同じ新米なのにどうして彼がそんなに
たくさんの大事なことを任せられるでしょうか。
夜遅くまで仕事させられても、
重要な仕事だったらぜんぜん大丈夫なのに・・・
今落ち込んでる。
Fight Song聞くかな。
------------------------hazy
5:34 p.m. x 21.10.10
The annual haze is back.
Not sure how this round compares to the previous years, but it's very bad.
Even last week, when I was stepped out of the shopping mall I was at, I realised how hazy it was and how heavy the burnt smell was. I think it has been worsening throughout this week...
It's quite bad already when we at the ground level notice how hazy it seems. But now that I'm working at a 38 level office, I realise how bad it really is. The visibility is so bad that everything seems to be shrouded in fog/falling snow. Yes, I believe that we can only fully understand the situation when we have a view that extends far enough for the effect of the haze to fully show.
Am a bit incoherant now, because I'm typing this during a short break at work!
------------------------Positive post #2 + Office...politics?
12:59 a.m. x 20.10.10
From here
Prof Gotou said, "Kabuki is a continuous shift between reality, stage reality and fictional reality".
I think Kabuki catches my curiousity in ways other theatre forms have not managed to because of the ambiguity between character and actor. At some points in time, the story on stage seems almost insignificant in comparison to the actor on stage. That defies all Western theatre logic.
Prof Gotou explained the audience goes between three levels of reality: reality as we know it, stage reality as the consciousness of being in a theatre and fictional reality as the understanding and following of the story. Different kabuki theatre techniques are used to transport the audience between each reality during the performance.
I'm particularly intrigued by the phrase 'fictional reality' because at first glance it seems like an oxymoron. Yet if you pause and think about it, it actually makes complete sense. You know what you're experiencing is only a story, you know it's not real and it never stops you from feeling with the characters, from crying when they do, laughing when they laugh and feeling triumph when they are triumphant.
Isn't it the same when you read books, watch movies or follow drama serials? The stories are not yours, the lives not yours, the emotions not yours. And yet you reach out to wipe the proverbial tear at the end, or close the book/shut the television having attained catharsis.
Yet, people judge when we fangirl. Ever thought that perhaps our fandom is our fictional reality?
We know these idols are not perfect, we know everything we see is manufactured, we know we will never meet them and we know that they don't know we exist. But it doesn't stop us from feeling with them, from crying when they do, laughing when they laugh and feeling triumphant when they succeed.
Their success is also ours. (Considering that we are the ones paying money for their success.) The undeniable sense of pride we feel when we know their album sales have done well, when their concert tickets are going for 25 times the original price.
Like how your characters remain perfect because you don't know anything else but what is presented to you, the same goes for these boys we adore so much. A character will have a million and one interpretations from a million and one critics. An idol will be a different model for every different fan because we are different.
If it's alright for someone to be inspired by your favourite superhero, why is it wrong for me to be inspired by Sho to put my upmost effort in studying? Why is it less right for me to use him as a exemplary role model for intellectual thirst? How is, say Batman, any more real than Arashi?
You get away with crying because your favourite character in the book died or because the couple you were rooting for in the movie didn't end up together. Why do we get judged because we idolise someone? Is our fangirling not just a very long movie, or really thick book?
And I know one day, this very long movie or multi-chaptered book is going to come to a close. I know one day my heart will not be as excited when I see Arashi. I know one day I'll grow out of this.
But that doesn't discount what I've invested in this reality. Just because you leave the realm of fictional reality doesn't mean it was naught, it just means you've shifted into another realm of reality, wherever that may be.
But at the end of that book and that movie, you smile. At the end, I will also smile because I will recall some of the happiest days and nights I spend laughing at (sometimes along with) them.
But before I'm there, I am going to continue reading this book, continue rooting for my favourite characters and hope the ending is still a long way to come.
I'M PROUD TO BE PART OF THE MORE IMAGINATIVE/EMOTIVE SEGMENT OF THE POPULATION.
---------------------------------------
It's really late now, and I just got home from work. A short post before I sleep.
This is about my current job, sparked off by a conversation I had with a fellow team member on the cab back home.
I'm currently on this job with a huge team, including 2 other junior staff like me. One is from my group whereas another was borrowed from another group (not our sister group though, so I'm not sure why she got sent here). She (let's call her "Loaned") got tasked by the in-charge to return to office to print some stuff tmr morning, bring it back to the client's and then go back to help another senior (I later found out it was my previous job's co-in-charge). So after a while, she commented that it would be quite a waste of time (and taxi money) to go to office, go to client, and then return to office. So she suggested that it'll be better for someone who will be staying at the client to go back to office in the morning, print the stuff and bring it down to client's. Which makes sense. Except that I realise that the only "someone else" available was me. The other junior staff (let's call him "Vampire") has got a lot of work on hand to clear. On the other hand, I've been working from task to task, with nothing lined up for me until the actual day. But I do agree with her reasoning, and didn't think much about her suggestion, even volunteering to do it for her.
So, before we left client's, she suggested that to our in-charge. But our in-charge said that she has a lot of things for me to do tomorrow, so it'll be better for Loaned to do it. In any case, she might have to go directly to the other client (of the in-charge she was sent to help) from our client's office instead of returning back to our office.
So I thought that was the end of the story.
But then, on the way home, Loaned started to confide. We were casually talking about the Performance Appraisal form....and then she went on to the topic of being worried about it, because she's not really doing much (as in, contributing to the job). And while everyone tells her that no one expects her to do much in her first few months at work, she's quite worried about it. In fact, she's been comparing herself to Vampire, because Vampire is doing ALOT of work (which I agree), which makes it seem like she's not contributing.
From there, my heart went out to her, because I felt that same. Vampire's always doing a lot of tasks, and none of which are the simple-minded admin work that I've been doing since my entry into this client, as well most of my time at my previous job. I felt quite useless when I see what he's doing, when I see him liaising and discussing work with the other senior team members.
So, I know how Loaned feels. So I tried encouraging her. Not sure if I helped...But really, if you want to compare how useless one is, I'm really useless.
All I've been doing is admin stuff, the time I've spent doing real work in the past...3 months adds up to maybe 1.5 week? And there was once where I did referencing and highlighting (aka brainless stuff) so slowly that the in-charge came and sat next to me to help out with it. Not to mention that during the first 2 weeks, I went home at 7 everyday when the other team members went home at around 4am everyday. And that I've been given workpapers that I never finished. Or how there's nothing for me to do when the other team members are dying from having too much work.
See? I'm quite useless!
And of course, I got sent back to the office this morning to do printing.
I've done so much printing in the past 3 months!
Come to think of it, I wonder what Loaned was thinking yesterday when the in-charge told me to return to office to print..
There are times when I feel like I'm not cut for this job....but I'll try to work harder.
To end off:
Positive Post #2
YOU'RE GOOD, THAT'S WHY!
Even if you're sent to do the less glamourous job, it's ok! It's not because you suck at other tasks that you go despatched to do that task. It's because you're good at that task that you got sent to do it!
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gif by lyricalidol.
------------------------This October...
12:20 p.m. x 10.10.10
...has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays, and 5 Sundays.
It only happens once in 823 years.
Oh, the little things in life.
------------------------
Oh.no